Venting

[GameOgre]

Cut his hair. You admited several times that his hair gets too long at times. You are not working to change a rule you think is unfair but instad seem to be wanting to push it to the line and maybe over a little.Why? If you think a rule needs to be changed then get it changed, if not then make sure you'r son is in compliance.

How ever you are not the one at risk. You'r son is. He must pay for any infraction real or imagined that comes of this.

One of the important things public school teaches people is how to get along not just with each other but with people over us. Life isn't fair and either are some of our boss's. Learning to deal with that in healthy possitive ways is important.

Im not meaning this in a bashing way. I understand where you are coming from I think. I can see where this would put up my back a little as well. If it was you that was going to (and maybe already has started to ) pay the price for it I would say more power to you.
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[DangerDwarf]

GameOgre wrote:
You admited several times that his hair gets too long at times.

Yes, it does occasionally reach the limit, and when it does he gets a haircut to remain in compliance. Maybe not that same day (I'm not letting him miss any school just to drive all the way to town for a haircut) but by the weeks end his hair is always well within compliance again.

GameOgre wrote:
If you think a rule needs to be changed then get it changed, if not then make sure you'r son is in compliance.

While I'm not a fan of it, I have no problem with the rule as written nor do I find the need to change it because of that. The problem lies in a principal going beyond what is required by policy. If the school wants to change it, then they are free to do so and it would completely eliminate my gripe. BUT, they have not.

GameOgre wrote:
One of the important things public school teaches people is how to get along not just with each other but with people over us. Life isn't fair and either are some of our boss's. Learning to deal with that in healthy possitive ways is important.

Both of my children are well aware that things aren't fair. I began teaching them that prior to them reaching school age, that is part of parenting. So, the myth that this is somehow a "learning experience" for him is bunk. It is also a poor excuse to allow such things to go on.

None of this is about fairness, it is about right and wrong. If it is a violation, then come on with it. If it is not a violation, then back off. Part of my occupational duties includes enforcing dress code on my subordinates, I know that when I charge them up about something, I had better be in the right. It would be my ass if I began citing "near violations".

[DangerDwarf]

cuchulainkevin wrote:
As another poster said, my 1st suggestion would be to determine that this is an issue that your son has aproblem with.

My 2nd suggestion is to document everything that happens to your son. Hold on to every piece of paper that is sent, document every conversation. If push comes to shove, you want to have a body of evidence to present later.

The next step I would take is to inform the principal that you feel the dress code is being being applied in an arbitrary manner to your son. Looking at the code that you sent, I fail to see how hair that reaches past a collar over temporarily past the eyes constitutes a safety issue or disrupts the learning environment. Put sinply, it's a bad rule. It attempts to correct a "behavior" that is really a cultural "more" in your area. I suspect that the cultural norm in your area is that "boy's shouldn't have long hair"- which is a blatant disregard for another person's rights.

If the issue is not resolved with talking with the principal, attend your child's next school board meeting and address the situation there. In Illinois all school board meetings have to be open to the public with a time allowed for public discourse. You'd be surprised how accomodating a school board may be. Afterall, they are accountable to the voting public.

Lastly, make sure that your son knows that any disagreement you may have with the policy or principal does not give him the right to be defiant with his school teachers or principal. When discussing the matter in front of him, always be respectful of the people involved.

If this doesn't resolve your problem, there are a few options that you can do depending how far you'd be willing go regarding this.

1) Talk to the local press. They love these types of stories. The negative is that you'll draw attention to yourself and your child. You maybe targeted as a "rabblerouser" by your neighbors. Your child maybe targeted by a resentful principal.

2) Talk to a lawyer. The drwabacks are the same as above and it may cost you money. This would probably put the most pressure on the school district as they try to avoid spending money at all costs. You'd have a hard time winning anything in court unless you can prove that your child has been unfairly targeted- which is why you should document eveything very early on.

3) Run for the school board. People laugh, but generally that's all a school board is, ordinary people who were willing to take the time to devote their time to the schools. From there you have a platform to change things.

4) Suck it up and get your son a haircut. Look at it as a learning experience for him that teaches that life is often unfair. It sucks, but is true. You may feel that your son is too young to learn that lesson yet, but realistically, he probably already has.

5) Homeschool him or send him to a private school. Private schools can generally have stricter standards than public school, but you may get lucky. It will cost a lot more money. Homeschooling would require a great investment in time and might require your family to rearrange their lifestyles to make sure you have adequate supervision for your kids.

I appreciate your advice and will try it out. If it comes down to it, homeschooling is well within our realm of possibility. My wife is a stay at home mom and has homeschooled my son in the past. It wouldn't harm us any to go that route again.

[cuchulainkevin]

DangerDwarf wrote:
I appreciate your advice and will try it out. If it comes down to it, homeschooling is well within our realm of possibility. My wife is a stay at home mom and has homeschooled my son in the past. It wouldn't harm us any to go that route again.

Good luck with what ever decision you guys make.

If you want any advice for age-appropriate children's lit or English textbooks, let me know and I'd be glad to make a few suggestions.

Morty
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[DangerDwarf]

Cool and thanks.

[tylermo]

Usually hair is not a problem in most public schools, unless it's super huge, multi-colored spikes, or something truly extreme. Same with facial piercings. Some schools have to reign that in somewhat, or somebody goes to school with a metal-covered face. This hair thing is complete crap, if I may say so. Then again, politically-correct, overly-cautious attitudes are prevailing in the liberal big city districts, and as of late in the small town conservative districts. Not to mention another *he says with sarcasm* favorite of mine...zero tolerance. Zero tolerance sounds good on paper when it comes to guns, and drugs in particular. Until some kid got sent home in the 1990's for bringing a two inch plastic G.I. Joe action figure rifle to school. Also sounds good, until a kid mistakenly left a fishing knife in his car(after a weekend fishing trip). The knife was NOT taken into the school, or used in any way. On a more common note, many schools even suspend kids who(minded their own business) but were picked on bullies who also struck said students for no good reason. Legitimately defending yourself from bullies used to be handled with common sense in most schools. Oh, wait a minute! I just said COMMON SENSE. I forgot what a friend of mine said in recent years, "Zero tolerance equals zero common sense." That's exactly right. The only thing zero tolerance has accomplished in my neck of the woods, is that some lower-tier rich kids have been more likely to get in trouble. There used to be a grey area for some of them, depend upon who mom and dad were. Now, it seems you have to be at the TOP of the totem to avoid punishment. Needless to say, I haven't liked the direction our schools have been going in for some time. Some of them can even outlaw cupcakes, and other sugary foods brought in a student's lunchbox. RIDICULOUS! Thanks to that small number of students who shoot schools, we have to punish, and restrict what the well-behaved students may do. It's funny how people don't complain about these things anymore. A lot of it has to do whether or not their friends are serving on the school board, or who in government is calling the shots. Although, I few people have begun to complain about some of this idiocy. School boards, city councils, and state and national government have slowly but surely encroached on parents ability to parent. Oh well. I could go on an on, but back to the point. I'm all about a reasonable(no cleavage, or exposed body parts, foul language or nude images on clothing, no rainbow colored hair, or over-amount of face piercings, etc). Otherwise, hair length, t-shirts, jeans, dresses, skirts, or mostly whatever students want to wear should be fine. But, some school boards get bored, and need something to do. Meanwhile, some of them (like the one in my town) still have the former board president(and Federal probation and parole officer) still serving on the board(resigned from the presidency) even though he was drunk driving with two loaded guns in his vehicle. And, a student(related to a former 30 year county sheriff) who was driving while intoxicated on the school lot(who backed into an administrator's car) was not suspended, and still playing on the football team. So much for zero tolerance. Best of luck with your situation. It's a stupid rule, and they're just trying to shape kids into what THEY think they should be. Regrettably, I'll probably have to send my child to public, er umm GOVERNMENT schools. Government in general is FUBAR!

[deimos3428]

DangerDwarf wrote:
My son has longer hair than every other boy in the elementary school and while he was in the first grade the principal sent home several notes requesting us to cut his hair.

Your school has a policy on hair length? That seems rather odd, unless it's a private school. Is the concern related to hygiene? I'm not sure I understand how it's the school's business, otherwise.

Quote:
Now, prior to this letter my son has been spotless in his "behavior record" in school this year and has never been a problem the years prior.

One of two things is probably happening:

1. The staff is picking on your kid due to the hair dispute.

2. The kid is acting out due to the conflict caused between parent and staff.

I don't know your child, but based on what you've said here I'd bet the latter is more likely. Children are very sensitive to conflict. You've said he doesn't know about the conflict, but it's likely that he's more intuitive than you think. He's probably also picking up on your stress: eg. "Dad's angry a lot the last few days, particularly when I tell him about my day at school." Or perhaps, something completely different is bothering him. You need to figure that one out, I'm just throwing random darts here.

First thing: Talk to your kid! Ask your son if he wants to cut his hair. Maybe he does; problem solved. Let him have any haircut he wants, it's just hair. Make sure you're championing a conflict your child cares about.