A woman was enjoying her first trip to Arkansas by eating at a local restaurant. Suddenly, she started choking and turning red.
A man jumped up from a nearby booth and flipped her over an empty table. He flipped up her dress and began furiously licking the left cheek of her buttocks. The woman was so shocked and humiliated that the obstruction flew out of her throat. She hurriedly rearranged her dress and ran out the door as fast as she could.
While the man was getting applause from the other patrons of the restaurant, the waitress said "I always heard tell of that there 'hind lick maneuver', but I ain't never seen it before."
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Please. I have dice that are older than you are.
I got Jokes
I got Jokes
Oh, please--I have dice older than you are.
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CharlieRock
- Lore Drake
- Posts: 1946
- Joined: Sun Sep 24, 2006 7:00 am
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Breakdaddy
- Greater Lore Drake
- Posts: 3875
- Joined: Tue Aug 15, 2006 7:00 am
It was sunday morning, and the preacher was just getting ready to start the sermon. Suddenly, the Devil Himself appearead at the pulpit. People screamed and ran for the exits as fast as they could.
Feeling genuinely proud of himself, Satan looked around and noticed one elderly gentleman still sitting in his pew.
Satan stomped down the aisle, towering over the old man. He calmly asked "Do you know who I am?"
The old man said "Yup. Sure do. You're the Prince of Darkness."
Satan asked "Don't you know that with one word, I can condemn you to an eternity of pain and suffering?"
The old man calmly nodded "Yes, I surely do."
Dubfounded, Satan asked "And you still aren't scared.....why?"
"Because," the man replied, "I've been married to your sister for the last fifty years."
_________________
Please. I have dice that are older than you are.
Feeling genuinely proud of himself, Satan looked around and noticed one elderly gentleman still sitting in his pew.
Satan stomped down the aisle, towering over the old man. He calmly asked "Do you know who I am?"
The old man said "Yup. Sure do. You're the Prince of Darkness."
Satan asked "Don't you know that with one word, I can condemn you to an eternity of pain and suffering?"
The old man calmly nodded "Yes, I surely do."
Dubfounded, Satan asked "And you still aren't scared.....why?"
"Because," the man replied, "I've been married to your sister for the last fifty years."
_________________
Please. I have dice that are older than you are.
Oh, please--I have dice older than you are.
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
And Satan created Burger King, and Burger King brought forth the $3.20 double-Whopper, and Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?", and Man said, "Super size them."
And Man gained pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that Woman might keep her figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt.
And Woman gained pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese, and there was ice cream for dessert.
And Woman gained pounds.
And God said, "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth chicken- fried steak so big it needed its own platter.
And Man gained pounds, and his cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.
And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to work to change channels.
And Man gained pounds.
And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil."
And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fat fried them. He created sour cream dip also, and Man clutched his remote control, and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.
And Satan saw that and said, "It is good."
And Man went into cardiac arrest.
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery...
And Satan created private health insurance ...
_________________
If it matters, leave a message at the beep.
Serl's Corner
And Satan created Burger King, and Burger King brought forth the $3.20 double-Whopper, and Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?", and Man said, "Super size them."
And Man gained pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that Woman might keep her figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt.
And Woman gained pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese, and there was ice cream for dessert.
And Woman gained pounds.
And God said, "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth chicken- fried steak so big it needed its own platter.
And Man gained pounds, and his cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.
And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to work to change channels.
And Man gained pounds.
And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil."
And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fat fried them. He created sour cream dip also, and Man clutched his remote control, and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.
And Satan saw that and said, "It is good."
And Man went into cardiac arrest.
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery...
And Satan created private health insurance ...
_________________
If it matters, leave a message at the beep.
Serl's Corner