...to keep us alive while we're waiting for the CKG.
I'll start:
Two men are in a bar on the 90th floor of a posh hotel...
One says to the other: "See that window behind us? It's magical...anyone who goes through it can fly!"
The second guy responds: "yeah yeah..."
Patron #1 looks at him very seriously, downs his drink, and says: "Watch..."
...and proceeds to dive through the open window...
...only to hover in place for a moment, swirl around a few times in the air, then re-enter the establishment.
Patron #2 is astounded, and exclaims: "My God! That's incredible! How...how...how'd you do that?!"
Patron #1 looks at him jovally and states: "Like I said...it's a magic window...go ahead."
Without further ado, patron #2 downs his drink, jumps up from his chair, races across the floor, and dives out the window...
...only to fall to his death.
After the first patron gets up and leaves, the bartender stares at the other customers from behind the bar and says: "Yeah, I know, Superman can be a real jerk when he's drunk."
Jokes 'n such...
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slimykuotoan
- Greater Lore Drake
- Posts: 3669
- Joined: Sun Mar 11, 2007 8:00 am
- Location: Nine Hells
Jokes 'n such...
For crying out loud. Do your best with the rolls the dice have given you. This is what separates the men from the boys... -Kayolan
A piece of rope walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "You're just a piece of rope! I'm not going to serve you." So the rope walks out of the bar. Once outside, he ties himself into a knot. Then, he untwists one of his ends and frays all the edges. He again walks into the bar, sets himself on a stool, and orders a beer. The bartender looks at him and says, "Aren't you the same piece of rope that was just in here". And the rope says...
wait for it...
"No, I'm a frayed knot."
wait for it...
"No, I'm a frayed knot."
Argh! 2d6 sanity loss for that 'frayed knot' pun! It hurts! It Hurts!
My C&C campaign journal: Hard Times in Narsileon http://www.trolllord.com/forums/viewtop ... 22&t=11032
My OSRIC/1e campaign journal: Expedition to Arden Vul http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewt ... 26&t=59080
My OSRIC/1e campaign journal: Expedition to Arden Vul http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewt ... 26&t=59080
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Buttmonkey
- Greater Lore Drake
- Posts: 2047
- Joined: Fri Jun 15, 2007 7:00 am
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slimykuotoan
- Greater Lore Drake
- Posts: 3669
- Joined: Sun Mar 11, 2007 8:00 am
- Location: Nine Hells
A guy walks into a bar. He's a rather large, menacing chap. He chugs back a beer and says, "All the guys on this side of the bar are c***suckers! Anyone got a problem with that?"
Everyone is understandably silent.
He then, chugs back another beer and says, "All the guys on the other side of the bar are motherf***ers! Anyone got a problem with that?"
Everyone is silent, again.
Then one man gets up from his stool and starts to walk toward the man.
"You got a problem, buddy?"
No, I'm just on the wrong side of the bar!"
Everyone is understandably silent.
He then, chugs back another beer and says, "All the guys on the other side of the bar are motherf***ers! Anyone got a problem with that?"
Everyone is silent, again.
Then one man gets up from his stool and starts to walk toward the man.
"You got a problem, buddy?"
No, I'm just on the wrong side of the bar!"
For crying out loud. Do your best with the rolls the dice have given you. This is what separates the men from the boys... -Kayolan
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slimykuotoan
- Greater Lore Drake
- Posts: 3669
- Joined: Sun Mar 11, 2007 8:00 am
- Location: Nine Hells
Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change.
Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust.
Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of dollar bills and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile.
The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers. Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity.
"What on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank. "You know he's only going to use it on drugs or booze!!!"
Matt replies, "What...and we weren't?"
Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust.
Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of dollar bills and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile.
The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers. Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity.
"What on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank. "You know he's only going to use it on drugs or booze!!!"
Matt replies, "What...and we weren't?"
For crying out loud. Do your best with the rolls the dice have given you. This is what separates the men from the boys... -Kayolan
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slimykuotoan
- Greater Lore Drake
- Posts: 3669
- Joined: Sun Mar 11, 2007 8:00 am
- Location: Nine Hells
Why did the chicken cross the road:
Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath
the chicken?
Carl Sagan: There are billions and billions and billions of such chickens, crossing
roads just like this one, all across the universe.
Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in
such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.
Rene Descartes: It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.
Newton:
1) Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to
cross the road.
2) It was pushed on the road.
3) It was pushed on the road by another chicken, which went away from
the road.
4) It was attracted to a chicken on the other side of the road.
Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath
the chicken?
Carl Sagan: There are billions and billions and billions of such chickens, crossing
roads just like this one, all across the universe.
Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in
such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.
Rene Descartes: It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.
Newton:
1) Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to
cross the road.
2) It was pushed on the road.
3) It was pushed on the road by another chicken, which went away from
the road.
4) It was attracted to a chicken on the other side of the road.
For crying out loud. Do your best with the rolls the dice have given you. This is what separates the men from the boys... -Kayolan
A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.
Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the state trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.
_________________
daDiceGuy
Magic is the cheat codes for the world.
--- the Drummer (Planetary #7)
Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the state trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.
_________________
daDiceGuy
Magic is the cheat codes for the world.
--- the Drummer (Planetary #7)