I am the best f**k dwarf there ever has been!

Dorien · Post by **Dorien** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 3:33 am

I LIKE BEER

I LIKE KILLING

I LIKE BOOBS (ESPECIALLY HUMAN, BUT DWARFS WILL DO IN A PINCH)

I LIKE BATTLE AXES, HAMMERS AND CHAIN MAIL

I LIKE CAVES (FANTASY NOT REAL LIFE MY BROTHERS AND MY FIRST DEAD ROMPER CAN ATTEST TO THAT!)

Dorien · Post by **Dorien** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 3:42 am

All, hear me NOW!!! I am Dorien, a Dwarfs' Dwarf, the HELL with Man, the Hell with Elves! My Axe, my shield and my beer is all I need.

No one shall stand in my way!

Dorien · Post by **Dorien** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 3:46 am

What time zone are you using? GMT?

Does anyone have anything to say!?

Zokama · Post by **Zokama** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 4:04 am

You foolish dwarfs. You foolish, foolish dwarfs. Your clumsy, smell of dirt and rot, and have no respect for nature. You have as little grace as you have personal hygiene. Savage creatures dwarfs are. Swinging around a hammer or ax and thinking themselves to be such great warriors. If you really wish to triumph in combat one should master the bow or sword. Much more accurate and deadly. Also, learn to lay off the alcohol. Dwarfs are constantly drink and quite frankly can't hold their liquor very well. Oh well, I suppose some races are just so... primitive.

Dorien · Post by **Dorien** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 4:11 am

I have all kinds of respect for nature, especially natural BEER!!!

Grace, who is she, I'll kiss her and tell her to get me another beer!

Personal hygiene, I make Elves clean my a**e!

Bow! To kill up close is the thing not far away, disease and age kill from a afar.

And I can hold my stein right to my lips, its the damn floor that I can't seem to hold well!

Plaag · Post by **Plaag** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 7:44 am

No, Tordek is the greatest dwarf!
I'll let you try and look up that one.

ShaneG.

moriarty777 · Post by **moriarty777** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 12:34 pm

M
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Harry Joy · Post by **Harry Joy** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 1:04 pm

moriarty777 wrote:
M

Hey, I'm impressed. I didn't think Dwarves could type with those fat little fingers of theirs. He must be using a peck-ax.

serleran · Post by **serleran** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 1:45 pm

Where is Danger Dwarf when we need him?

Dorien · Post by **Dorien** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 2:20 pm

I don't look anyting up! I have a weakling human sage to do that for me!

And as for typing, I don't do that either, I just beat an Elf into submission and make him do it for me!

Beer, its the breakfast of champs!

I just hate it when I open the bottle with me axe and the whole damn thing breaks!

Dorien · Post by **Dorien** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 2:22 pm

Oh, and Danger Dwarf is out picking weeds in my back yard!

serleran · Post by **serleran** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 2:29 pm

A real dwarf would not have a "yard" or "weeds." Maybe some mushrooms and algae, and lichen.... maybe. Or, perhaps you've grown accustomed to surface life, and therefore, are no longer a true dwarf. More like a gnome.

Dorien · Post by **Dorien** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 2:33 pm

That is true, and is exactly why it is soooo insulting to Danger Dwarf to be forced to pick those weeds and therefore exactly why I have that yard!

And this freakin' Elf better get my meaning right, or I'll have to stick by boot up his a**e!

Valerian · Post by **Valerian** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 2:51 pm

Danger dwarf ,oh where is our Danger dwarf? Danger dwarf oh Danger dwarf (underdog theme plays in background).
_________________
What is best in life-

To crush the PC's

See their character sheets piled before you

And to hear the lamentations of the players

-Conan the dungeonmaster

BLOOD AXE · Post by **BLOOD AXE** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 3:13 pm

How witty & entertaining.....yawn....ZZZZZZZzzzzzz.

Dorien · Post by **Dorien** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 3:53 pm

Careful when you're yawning there bud, might want to keep your mouth covered...

Dorien · Post by **Dorien** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 4:00 pm

One of my Elven adventure mates just informed me that this miserable creature doing my typing for me is really a skinny half orc with long hair. It was ugly enough to be an Elf so I just naturally assumed it was an Elf.

I LIKE BEER

I LIKE MY BATTLE AXE

I LIKE MY SHIELD

I LIKE BEER

I WISH I HAD THREE HANDS!!!

Tadhg · Post by **Tadhg** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 4:55 pm

Yoohooo, Gideon!!

A troll is loose in the dungeon.

Clean up in aisle Open Discussion.

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Dorien · Post by **Dorien** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 5:33 pm

Oh, now you don't really think Blood Axe ie really a troll do you?

He just didn't think my posts were very funny, and in all honesty they were a lot funnier last night after a bottle of good French Wine than this morning after several cups of coffee.

Any yes, this Dwarf does drink wine as well as beer, but at least I drink it out of a beer mug!

Bowbe · Post by **Bowbe** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 6:32 pm

Bah, I say let the dirt diggin mountain sheep shaggin half-yeti talk.

Most dwarves make up for their short-comings in EVERY area with a mountain of BS bigger than their pile of gold.

BTW they really DON'T live longer than us humans, and there really aren't any female dwarves. They replicate by carving a clone of themselves outta limestone. Then they sprinkle whatever fairy dust doesn't make it up their big tater lookin nose on the "sculpture" and wah-la. New Dwarf. Course, unoriginal as they are they simply name it after themselves.

Bowbe

slimykuotoan · Post by **slimykuotoan** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 9:59 pm

Ah yea, I do understand Dorien.

"Ah, how a frothing jack of ale makes heroic barbarians of us all..."

~ Gary Gygax

gideon_thorne · Post by **gideon_thorne** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 10:10 pm

Rhuvein wrote:
Yoohooo, Gideon!!

A troll is loose in the dungeon.

Clean up in aisle Open Discussion.

I suspect that description is very apt in this case. More like a Troll Lord trying to be funny.
_________________
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Peter Bradley

Dorien · Post by **Dorien** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 11:37 pm

It's beer I'll be havin' tongiht and lots of it!

And no mountain sheep for me (although they are somewhat better lookin' than female Drarves!)

And I have NO shortcommings especially in the BS department!

And, dumb a55, its not limestone its GRANIT, just ask my son - Dorien!

I need a little fresh blood on my axe, where's an Orc when you need one!

BTW Gideon, those sniveling little Troll Lord whelps, were dribbling snot and pissing thier diapers while I had to watch over them!

serleran · Post by **serleran** » Sun Apr 13, 2008 12:40 am

So, if'n you're the "best dwarf of all time, ever" maybe you should start answering some questions:

Why do dwarf women have beards? Are they all secretly dwarvestites?

What's the deal with the love of the axe and hammer? Are you, as a race, compensating for something?

Why do you get a defensive adjustment against giants rather than an attack adjustment? Do they scare you so much you cower in fear, making you less vulnerable to damage?

Dorien · Post by **Dorien** » Sun Apr 13, 2008 12:44 am

I prefer Donald Rumsfeld's method of Q&A, I'll ask myself the questions I want to answer!

Harry Joy · Post by **Harry Joy** » Sun Apr 13, 2008 12:46 am

Dorien wrote:
It's beer I'll be havin' tongiht and lots of it!

You, you!!!! Get back to work on the CKG! No beer for you!

Dorien · Post by **Dorien** » Sun Apr 13, 2008 12:53 am

How is a hammer and/or and axe a better weapon than others?

Both can be used to build and to destroy, versitile and effective.

Why do Dwarven women have beards?

Beats me go ask a god!

Are Dwarves intimidated by Giants?

F NO! The F'ing things are easy to beat, they are disadvantaged because the have to swing at an unnatural angle to land a blow and its less solid because of that!

Are humans good fighters?

No, but you go to battle with the allies you happen to have not the ones you really wish you had!

Dorien · Post by **Dorien** » Sun Apr 13, 2008 12:56 am

I do everything better with beer! Just ask my wife!

BLOOD AXE · Post by **BLOOD AXE** » Sun Apr 13, 2008 1:17 am

Dorien wrote:
I do everything better with beer! Just ask my wife!

Oh, his operation was a success then? Congrats.

gideon_thorne · Post by **gideon_thorne** » Sun Apr 13, 2008 1:20 am

BLOOD AXE wrote:
Oh, his operation was a success then? Congrats.

That was the use of the axe he forgot to list...
_________________
"We'll go out through the kitchen!" Tanis Half-Elven

Peter Bradley