Venting

[DangerDwarf]

My son is 7 years old and in the 2nd grade, we have a bit of a "history" with the principal of the elementary school. By history, I mean that since he was in the first grade, we've been having a few minor skirmishes with her over my son's hair. My son has longer hair than every other boy in the elementary school and while he was in the first grade the principal sent home several notes requesting us to cut his hair.

I politely informed her that his hair, while definitely cutting it close to breaking school policy, was in fact in compliance. That largely ended the sparring for the 1st grade.

At the beginning of this school year, he went to school with hair that was definitely out of compliance. Why? because I made enough of a stink the year before, I assumed they would change the policy to ensure that the "technicalities" I skated by with on the previous year would be amended. If they were, I wasn't about to get his hair cut prior to school and then immediately after school began, so I wanted to see the policy before gaining compliance. Once again, we got his hair cut in compliance with their policy,admittedly just barely.

On the 30th of this month, yet another letter was sent home from the principal requesting his hair be cut. A little firmer than usual. Looking at his hair, I admit it may be skirting policy a little bit in the length department. I'll correct that.

However, EVERY day since that letter, he has been marked as having behavioral problems in class. His schoolwork also appears to be being judge far more critically than before.

Now, prior to this letter my son has been spotless in his "behavior record" in school this year and has never been a problem the years prior.

He has also always been an honor roll student, sometimes even with straight A marks.

Now, there has been absolutely zero change in his behavior. In fact, my son doesn't even know about the "struggle" myself and his principal have been having over his hair. Right now, it appears to me that he is being treated differently than before. I will stress that right now I'm saying "appears", because I know I may be jumping to conclusions based on my irritation at the school. So, right now I'm just continuing to monitor and document.

I'm frustrated as hell right now to be truthful because, while legal, I dislike the fact that the school can set standards for hair length. Thats shit to me. I'm going to let myself cool down before I storm the school and make accusations, and I like to have proof and a trail of what I'm talking about so I'm keeping records but shit....I dunno, I just need to blow off steam.

[dachda]

Is the hair length requirement for boys and girls at the school the same? If not that smacks of sexism. If the girls can have short or long hair, it is ridiculous to say the boys cannot choose either themselves. will the 'behavioraal' record mean anything for his long-term school career? if not and he is still getting A's probably pointless to worry too much about it. But if that behavioral record will somehow affect your son's future education, I'd talk to a lawyer, the school board, and the PTA. Hair length should not be raised as an issue on a kid's school record, that nonsense should have gone out with the 1960's for Pete's sake! I'm glad your tracking this nonsense on paper. that trail could come in handy if you need to take some action. Good Luck, you have my complete empathy.
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[Lurker]

Week for venting my friend... I've had to listen to more than one guy vent and I've vented too. Been a ruff one... & these aren't guys that wine but good NCOs that have all been to combat more than once, if they needd to vent then you know ALOT is going on!

Vent away, and have a beer it's good for the soul!
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[AGNKim]

Wow, that's a tough one. Hmmm... what could you do? Hmmm, I dunno... CUT HIS HAIR maybe?

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[DangerDwarf]

Yup. I could. But nope. Its my kid and my kid's hair. Not theirs. They can cut their kids hair all they want and it'd be cool. I don't like folks stepping into my business.

[Lord Dynel]

AGNKim wrote:
Wow, that's a tough one. Hmmm... what could you do? Hmmm, I dunno... CUT HIS HAIR maybe?

While I admit that he shouldn't have to cut his hair, and I understand principle of the matter, but DD you may want to concede and cut the boys hair. I definitely do not condone the schools action one bit, though.

I have a 6-year old son in 1st grade, so I can understand that this would piss me off to no end as well. I think, for me, if things started to be changing for him at school (allegedly having "behavioral issues" and his work being graded more harshly) I would probably just consider complying. I know you don't want to, and I wouldn't either, but I would have to think of the impact it would be having on my son if I continue, "bucking the system." I dont know man, just some food for thought.

I know you didn't ask for advice, so please disregard this at your discretion. Good luck though!

[DangerDwarf]

I understand what yer saying LD. BUt I've never been all that good at just accepting crap from people like that, especially when his hair length is in compliance with their rules, even if only barely. Besides, it would harm us none just to return to homeschooling. In fact, he was more advanced in his studies until he entered public school.

[Taranthyll]

What bloody business is it of the principal to tell anyone how long their child's hair should be? That is for the parent to decide; not the school. If I got a letter like this from my daughter's school I would go through the roof.

It sounds to me as though your son is being harassed by either his teacher or the principal for what is essentially a non-issue, which is tantamount to bullying and a sure sign of incompetence in an educator. If it were me, I would schedule a meeting with the teacher and request an account of every episode of supposed misbehaviour.

I know that it has been suggested that the path of least resistance is to comply and cut your son's hair, but if the principle of the matter is important to you (and it sounds as though it is) I would encourage you stand your ground and not let them get away it. Incompetent teachers and/or school administrators need to be rooted out and exposed for what they are.

[Julian Grimm]

Shave the Principals head.
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[Lord Dynel]

DangerDwarf wrote:
I understand what yer saying LD. BUt I've never been all that good at just accepting crap from people like that, especially when his hair length is in compliance with their rules, even if only barely. Besides, it would harm us none just to return to homeschooling. In fact, he was more advanced in his studies until he entered public school.

I feel for ya man, I really do. I really see this as a non-issue for them. Your kid is a good one, his hair is in compliance, and you haven't riddled them with bullets (yet ), so I can't understand why there's even an issue. It sounds to me like they're trying to make an example out of your son, and that's some bullshit if that's the case.

[cuchulainkevin]

DangerDwarf wrote:
My son is 7 years old and in the 2nd grade, we have a bit of a "history" with the principal of the elementary school. By history, I mean that since he was in the first grade, we've been having a few minor skirmishes with her over my son's hair. My son has longer hair than every other boy in the elementary school and while he was in the first grade the principal sent home several notes requesting us to cut his hair.

I politely informed her that his hair, while definitely cutting it close to breaking school policy, was in fact in compliance. That largely ended the sparring for the 1st grade.

At the beginning of this school year, he went to school with hair that was definitely out of compliance. Why? because I made enough of a stink the year before, I assumed they would change the policy to ensure that the "technicalities" I skated by with on the previous year would be amended. If they were, I wasn't about to get his hair cut prior to school and then immediately after school began, so I wanted to see the policy before gaining compliance. Once again, we got his hair cut in compliance with their policy,admittedly just barely.

On the 30th of this month, yet another letter was sent home from the principal requesting his hair be cut. A little firmer than usual. Looking at his hair, I admit it may be skirting policy a little bit in the length department. I'll correct that.

However, EVERY day since that letter, he has been marked as having behavioral problems in class. His schoolwork also appears to be being judge far more critically than before.

Now, prior to this letter my son has been spotless in his "behavior record" in school this year and has never been a problem the years prior.

He has also always been an honor roll student, sometimes even with straight A marks.

Now, there has been absolutely zero change in his behavior. In fact, my son doesn't even know about the "struggle" myself and his principal have been having over his hair. Right now, it appears to me that he is being treated differently than before. I will stress that right now I'm saying "appears", because I know I may be jumping to conclusions based on my irritation at the school. So, right now I'm just continuing to monitor and document.

I'm frustrated as hell right now to be truthful because, while legal, I dislike the fact that the school can set standards for hair length. Thats shit to me. I'm going to let myself cool down before I storm the school and make accusations, and I like to have proof and a trail of what I'm talking about so I'm keeping records but shit....I dunno, I just need to blow off steam.

If I may ask, what is the school policy regarding the hair and, as it was mentioned earlier, is the policy applicable to all students?

As a teacher, I'm aware that the courts have given schools a lot of latitude in determining dress codes. That being said, the general rule of thumb around these parts is that any dress code violation needs to be a) a safety situation like gang attire or b) dress that interupts the learning process of the school.

On the base of things, I fail to see how the length of your child's hair would meet either of those criterias.
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[Treebore]

Yet another reason why I still home school. Maybe Texas has a state run on line school like AZ does? ITs a friggin awesome system if they have it. They send the computers, printer, books, lab equipment, etc... They do the primary teaching. All I have to do is help answer questions and ensure they are doing their work.
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[DangerDwarf]

cuchulainkevin wrote:
If I may ask, what is the school policy regarding the hair and, as it was mentioned earlier, is the policy applicable to all students?

The policy in question is:
Hair should be clean, combed, and out of the eyes at all times. For male students, hair should not extend below the collar line.

Between haircuts, his hair does touch his collar line at times. When it does, we generally get him a hair cut.

The "out of the eyes" part is where our main point of contention lies. The principal originally claimed that for male students,they had to have their hair cut above the eyebrow and no further than half-way down the ear. When I talked with her, I pointed out that I have not seen that in the dress code and that the dress code did not differentiate between males and females in regards to "out of the eyes".

I have zero doubt that throughout the day, his hair will indeed occasionally fall into his eyes, just the same as every single female student with long hair. What I fail to understand is that how is it okay for the female students to push the hair back in place when that happens but it is not considered acceptable for him to do the same.

Yeah, the courts do give the schools a lot of latitude in determining dress codes and will uphold the school's decisions in these matters. While I may not care for that, I can accept that. I do not accept them applying it arbitrarily to my son when he is within their policy however. My daughter attends the school as well and I know for a fact that her hair falls into her eyes throughout the day yet nothing has ever been said, because like my son, when it happens she simply pushes her hair out of her face.

[Plaag]

Well for one I'm actually surprised there is a rule for hair like this. Clothes I can see since well its been around a while, but this rule I've never heard of before.

Anyhow as for my two cents: Take yourself out of the equation for a moment and ask your son if he wants his hair like it is or cut another way. If he likes it long then don't change a thing and keep doing what you are doing with regards to this feeling you have with the school.

ShaneG.

[DangerDwarf]

Treebore wrote:
Yet another reason why I still home school. Maybe Texas has a state run on line school like AZ does?

In east Texas the program is for grades 3-8 only. So, no go in that area until next year. I've got a curriculum lined up for this year though should they continue to agitate me.

[DangerDwarf]

Plaag wrote:
Take yourself out of the equation for a moment and ask your son if he wants his hair like it is or cut another way. If he likes it long then don't change a thing and keep doing what you are doing with regards to this feeling you have with the school.

Yeah, neither me or my wife choose his haircut. Every time he goes to get it cut we leave it to him on what he wants. "Just a trim" is what he wants, he likes his hair. We keep him out of the middle of our "struggle" with the principal too, he currently unaware of our ongoing conversations with the school.

[Breakdaddy]

I think they should stay out of your business unless it's hurting someone else. Clearly this is not the case with your son's choice of hairstyle. It sounds like he is getting singled out and I hope you continue to document and carefully monitor this unacceptable situation.

[Orpheus]

I think that we all had "stupid rules" out our schools when growing up. I remember when it was a big deal to be able to wear a hat to school for "Hat Day." There's usually a reason for the rule being in place though. Who knows, you may not be alone in this as there might be another child at the school who is receiving the same letters or requests. I have mixed feelings about stuff like this. Part of me says that it's just the kids expressing themselves. On the other hand, what happens when they get out into the real world when they're older and someone won't give them a real job because their hair is too long or they have visible tattoos? It sucks, but you just have to ask yourself ,"What's more important, having my son's hair the way he wants it or him getting an education?"

[Keolander]

And people wonder why I think that the public education system is broken beyond repair. If I were you, take him out and homeschool him again. He'll have a far better education than many of the drones turned out to be good little cogs in the machine when he's 18.
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[Taranthyll]

Orpheus wrote:
It sucks, but you just have to ask yourself ,"What's more important, having my son's hair the way he wants it or him getting an education?"

Education should not include soul-crushing conformity and submission to unreasonable demands by petty bureaucrats. This is exactly the sort of thing that impedes, not aids, education. It stifles creativity and independent thought, and the last thing the world needs is a generation of mindless conformists who are unable to think for themselves.

[Go0gleplex]

Oh pooh on all of ya. BRING ON THE UNIFORMS ALREADY!!!!

Seriously though...that principle would have never made it through the "Hardy Boy" years when those cuts were the rage. While I am in the camp of 'you get the haircut I say' until they're 18...it really isn't the school's business as long as it does not interfere with basic health, safety, and comportment. (though I think they ought to have ethics and manners as a mandatory class starting in 3rd grade til graduation since so many parents fall flat on their face/lack the time due to work to teach the kids this one)
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[cuchulainkevin]

DangerDwarf wrote:
The policy in question is:
Hair should be clean, combed, and out of the eyes at all times. For male students, hair should not extend below the collar line.

Between haircuts, his hair does touch his collar line at times. When it does, we generally get him a hair cut.

The "out of the eyes" part is where our main point of contention lies. The principal originally claimed that for male students,they had to have their hair cut above the eyebrow and no further than half-way down the ear. When I talked with her, I pointed out that I have not seen that in the dress code and that the dress code did not differentiate between males and females in regards to "out of the eyes".

I have zero doubt that throughout the day, his hair will indeed occasionally fall into his eyes, just the same as every single female student with long hair. What I fail to understand is that how is it okay for the female students to push the hair back in place when that happens but it is not considered acceptable for him to do the same.

Yeah, the courts do give the schools a lot of latitude in determining dress codes and will uphold the school's decisions in these matters. While I may not care for that, I can accept that. I do not accept them applying it arbitrarily to my son when he is within their policy however. My daughter attends the school as well and I know for a fact that her hair falls into her eyes throughout the day yet nothing has ever been said, because like my son, when it happens she simply pushes her hair out of her face.

\

As another poster said, my 1st suggestion would be to determine that this is an issue that your son has aproblem with.

My 2nd suggestion is to document everything that happens to your son. Hold on to every piece of paper that is sent, document every conversation. If push comes to shove, you want to have a body of evidence to present later.

The next step I would take is to inform the principal that you feel the dress code is being being applied in an arbitrary manner to your son. Looking at the code that you sent, I fail to see how hair that reaches past a collar over temporarily past the eyes constitutes a safety issue or disrupts the learning environment. Put sinply, it's a bad rule. It attempts to correct a "behavior" that is really a cultural "more" in your area. I suspect that the cultural norm in your area is that "boy's shouldn't have long hair"- which is a blatant disregard for another person's rights.

If the issue is not resolved with talking with the principal, attend your child's next school board meeting and address the situation there. In Illinois all school board meetings have to be open to the public with a time allowed for public discourse. You'd be surprised how accomodating a school board may be. Afterall, they are accountable to the voting public.

Lastly, make sure that your son knows that any disagreement you may have with the policy or principal does not give him the right to be defiant with his school teachers or principal. When discussing the matter in front of him, always be respectful of the people involved.

If this doesn't resolve your problem, there are a few options that you can do depending how far you'd be willing go regarding this.

1) Talk to the local press. They love these types of stories. The negative is that you'll draw attention to yourself and your child. You maybe targeted as a "rabblerouser" by your neighbors. Your child maybe targeted by a resentful principal.

2) Talk to a lawyer. The drwabacks are the same as above and it may cost you money. This would probably put the most pressure on the school district as they try to avoid spending money at all costs. You'd have a hard time winning anything in court unless you can prove that your child has been unfairly targeted- which is why you should document eveything very early on.

3) Run for the school board. People laugh, but generally that's all a school board is, ordinary people who were willing to take the time to devote their time to the schools. From there you have a platform to change things.

4) Suck it up and get your son a haircut. Look at it as a learning experience for him that teaches that life is often unfair. It sucks, but is true. You may feel that your son is too young to learn that lesson yet, but realistically, he probably already has.

5) Homeschool him or send him to a private school. Private schools can generally have stricter standards than public school, but you may get lucky. It will cost a lot more money. Homeschooling would require a great investment in time and might require your family to rearrange their lifestyles to make sure you have adequate supervision for your kids.
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[Deogolf]

I guess I'm a bit old school. Boys should have shorter hair and not be mistaken for girls (from the back). If you can't tell, cut the hair. We always had pretty short hair for the most part. Guess it comes from having a dad that was in the military.

Just cut the hair and move on. It would be alot easier on everyone. Sometimes you gotta take one for the team.
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[voynich]

wow. i have long hair, and, for me, it is cultural and has significant meaning to cut it. i would be appalled at the lack of tolerance shown. but, it is texas.
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[Deogolf]

I don't have any problems with cultural reasons, some things are sacred and should not be messed with.

But, if you know going into it what the guidelines are and you knowingly push the envelope, don't be surprised if you get some flak over it.
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[DangerDwarf]

Deogolf wrote:
We always had pretty short hair for the most part. Guess it comes from having a dad that was in the military.

I grew up in the military as well, even though he is retired my dad is a die-hard Marine. Even so, growing up I always had long hair. My dad's philosophy was a simple, "I'm the Marine, he is not."

When I turned 18, I still shaved my head and joined the military. While no longer in the military, I still work for a state agency which has a rigid dress code so I still have a shaved head all these years later.

Deogolf wrote:
Just cut the hair and move on. It would be alot easier on everyone. Sometimes you gotta take one for the team.

See, that's where I have to call "bullshit" though. I am not trying to violate policy or even change it. My son's hair IS in compliance with the district policy. So, the principal is not enforcing policy, she is enforcing personal preference. Is it pushing the envelope? yes, but it is still within policy.

So I can't just "take one for the team" in a situation like this. I'm not built that way.

[ssfsx17]

Have you been able to gather up any other disgruntled parents and/or teachers?

[DangerDwarf]

No, though that is from lack of trying at the moment. The only other irritated parent I know of has a son who's hair is well within the guidelines but the principal tried to make him style it another way.

[Deogolf]

DangerDwarf wrote:
I grew up in the military as well, even though he is retired my dad is a die-hard Marine. Even so, growing up I always had long hair. My dad's philosophy was a simple, "I'm the Marine, he is not."

When I turned 18, I still shaved my head and joined the military. While no longer in the military, I still work for a state agency which has a rigid dress code so I still have a shaved head all these years later.



See, that's where I have to call "bullshit" though. I am not trying to violate policy or even change it. My son's hair IS in compliance with the district policy. So, the principal is not enforcing policy, she is enforcing personal preference. Is it pushing the envelope? yes, but it is still within policy.

So I can't just "take one for the team" in a situation like this. I'm not built that way.

I guess we'll have to differ on this one.

But, if they are going after him for no other reason than the hair, then I'd be mad. If he isn't causing any problems and is a good child in class, I'd probably let it slide a little. But, I'm not the principal. Unfortunately, there are principals out there that are on power trips and need to be reined in a bit. Good luck with it!
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[DangerDwarf]

Deogolf wrote:
I guess I'm a bit old school.

Oh, and as an aside. Is that really old school?
IN ancient germanic culture, closely cropped hair was largely a sign of a thrall. Free men wore their hair longer. Thats old school.