slimykuotoan is thinkin', oh, oh -conan movie...

slimykuotoan · Post by **slimykuotoan** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 12:57 am

...complete with a cast featuring "a trio of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra stars."
http://geektyrant.com/news/2010/3/17/ro ... conan.html
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Go0gleplex · Post by **Go0gleplex** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 1:48 am

Should be an interesting trailer once they get that far...until then, judgement reserved.
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Taranthyll · Post by **Taranthyll** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 2:08 am

It claims to be based on R.E.H's stories, but the plot sounds like it is based more on de Laurentis's movie - Conan strives to avenge his murdered father and the slaughter of his village. Meh.
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DangerDwarf · Post by **DangerDwarf** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 2:27 am

slimykuotoan wrote:
...complete with a cast featuring "a trio of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra stars."

I didn't realize G.I Joe had any actual stars in it. Just a lot of bad acting and dialogue.

Orpheus · Post by **Orpheus** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 2:18 pm

DangerDwarf wrote:
I didn't realize G.I Joe had any actual stars in it. Just a lot of bad acting and dialogue.

Wait.

There was dialogue?

Omote · Post by **Omote** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 2:32 pm

Who knows, this movie might be good. I'm not sure if it will be worthy to carry the CONAN title (probably not), but if it's got some good sword and sorcery action to it, I look forward!

I mean, it can't be Kull the Conquerer bad... can it?
~O
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Frost · Post by **Frost** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 2:48 pm

I'll never understand movies like this. You have the story already laid out for you (i.e., REH's stories), so why is there always this need to go in and re-create the whole character? If you want to do that, why not just create a new character and not call the movie "Conan?"

It's even more puzzling as Conan seems custom-made for a franchise (i.e., REH wrote mostly episodic stories that could be made into individual movies).

I'll never understand how movie studios seem to mess up the simplistic concepts. Look at the Punisher flicks for Pete's sake.
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Secret Skeleton · Post by **Secret Skeleton** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 3:18 pm

Generally I will watch any movies with swords in it. I liked Hawk the Slayer.

Omote · Post by **Omote** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 4:02 pm

Frost wrote:
I'll never understand movies like this. You have the story already laid out for you (i.e., REH's stories), so why is there always this need to go in and re-create the whole character? If you want to do that, why not just create a new character and not call the movie "Conan?"

It's even more puzzling as Conan seems custom-made for a franchise (i.e., REH wrote mostly episodic stories that could be made into individual movies).

I'll never understand how movie studios seem to mess up the simplistic concepts. Look at the Punisher flicks for Pete's sake.

Dollars and cents my man. There is no other consideration for movie studios. Whether or not one chooses to beleive it, the new Conan movie starts fresh in order to create a new franchise. The studio would love this movie to be the first of a series. I think the studios assume that moviegoers want a natural beginning and a end. To simply make a contination fo the Arnold Conan movies would leave out a vast majority of the movie-going public (young men ages 13-29). Also, I assume they think that the audience will not like a film where the story is part of a larger peice where there is no defined beginning or end.

All of that said, dollars and cents is the only guiding force in Hollywood. The art factor for american a-list films is long dead.

~O
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Frost · Post by **Frost** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 4:22 pm

Omote wrote:
Also, I assume they think that the audience will not like a film where the story is part of a larger peice where there is no defined beginning or end.~O

I guess so. I guess the days of series films like James Bond are over with. I haven't seen the second film in the James Bond "reboot," but didn't they even tie that to the first, new film?
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Omote · Post by **Omote** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 5:53 pm

Frost wrote:
I haven't seen the second film in the James Bond "reboot," but didn't they even tie that to the first, new film?

Directly in fact. Quantum of Solace is a direct sequel to Casio Royale. Though I imagine you could watch them seperately, it would just feel a bit more disjointed than it already was.

~O
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Secret Skeleton · Post by **Secret Skeleton** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 6:10 pm

I really do not have anything against sequential movies. I oftentimes do not feel so impassioned about a bad movie do rage about, though.

I think if this Conan movie comes out and has a Godsmack soundtrack with Chris Tucker playing Conan while spouting one-liners and proclaiming how fine the bitches are I may have an issue.

For the most part, however, if it has sword and t**s I'm in.

I will add though that the screenwriters for the film are some of the worst I can account for. If anyone has seen The Crow: Wicked Prayer, one of the most retarded films ever made, you can look forward to that writer in action for Conan.

Frost · Post by **Frost** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 6:10 pm

As an aside, if you've ever watched the extras on the Conan DVD, Oliver Stone states he envisioned the Conan franchise as akin to the James Bond one. It's a shame it won't ever happen that way.
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Go0gleplex · Post by **Go0gleplex** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 6:27 pm

I had hoped they'd do Conan the King or such title...the original Arnie movies were a bit campy, but still entertaining...and who doesn't get pumped from the theme piece playing during the battle of the mounds near the end?

Hollywood is spending so much time on remakes because they and their writers can't come up with any ideas that haven't already been done to death...so they come along to (for the most part) wreck movies gone before. I will concede they've actually had some that improved on the original, but not many.
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Secret Skeleton · Post by **Secret Skeleton** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 6:36 pm

Well, I love the first Conan movie, but it was about as REH inspired as The Color Purple. I love the part in the CtD where he says, "Enough Talk!" and throws a dagger into that guy.

There is a funny deleted scene from the first movie where he gets pulled off of a rock by a dog and screams, "Goddammit!" But the way Arnie says it is absolutely hilarious.

Omote · Post by **Omote** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 6:43 pm

First Conan movie rulez, and it wasn't very REH. Destroyer looked cool, but ultimately was fail. Too bad, of Conan was a franchise of more than 2 movies I could forgive the 2nd attempt... which I still watch from time to fulfil some deep-down need to see fantasy RPGing on the big screen.

~O
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Go0gleplex · Post by **Go0gleplex** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 7:18 pm

One question in my mind about all this...if they are doing a 'series' of movies...when they get to that part of the overall story, how the heck are they going to find anyone cooler than James Earl Jones to do Thulsa Doom?
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Treebore · Post by **Treebore** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 7:21 pm

Can't be too bad, the Arnold Conan movies sucked behind.
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Aladar · Post by **Aladar** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 7:40 pm

Actually, Thulsa Doom shouldn't been in the Conan movie, he was a foe of King Kull, not Conan. Of course, Conan does have interaction with his ghost/skull in the Marvel comics.
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AGNKim · Post by **AGNKim** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 7:51 pm

The fact that this dude is Conan says it all. Apparently Conan is no longer a Cimmerian (based on the Celts), but a weird conglomeration of Kush-Shem with some Stygian thrown in for good measure.
Hollywood sucks, man. Why oh why ruin what REH created? They should totally do a movie based on The Bible, but Jesus is a Korean bisexual chic, because, you know, God needs a rewrite and Jesus is just too "white" for our society these days.

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Taranthyll · Post by **Taranthyll** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 11:08 pm

Omote wrote:
Dollars and cents my man. There is no other consideration for movie studios. Whether or not one chooses to beleive it, the new Conan movie starts fresh in order to create a new franchise. The studio would love this movie to be the first of a series. I think the studios assume that moviegoers want a natural beginning and a end. To simply make a contination fo the Arnold Conan movies would leave out a vast majority of the movie-going public (young men ages 13-29). Also, I assume they think that the audience will not like a film where the story is part of a larger peice where there is no defined beginning or end.

I think Frost meant, why do they not use Howard's vast body of Conan stories for the movie franchise rather than making up a completely different character and storyline and calling it Conan? From a economic perspective wouldn't it be more efficient to work from established material than make the whole thing up from scratch? Conan's literary origins are well-defined and would make a good opening scene - the sack of Venarium would be a hell of a way to jump into the action - far better, I think, than the cliched murdered father/massacred village storyline.

Frost, you made an interesting comparison to the Punisher franchise. I haven't seen the recent Ray Stevenson movie, but the abominable Thomas Jane movie was just a cop-out-for-revenge movie that had nothing to do with the Punisher. In fact it pretty much ripped off, verbatim, Hard to Kill. When you stoop to copying Steven Segal movies you know you've hit rock bottom. It sounds like the new Conan movie is going to be swiping worn out bits from the de Laurentis movie when there was a great opportunity to do Conan right.
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Taranthyll · Post by **Taranthyll** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 11:16 pm

Aladar wrote:
Actually, Thulsa Doom shouldn't been in the Conan movie, he was a foe of King Kull, not Conan.

Yeah, Thoth Amon was the big bad in the Hyborian Age.
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Frost · Post by **Frost** » Sat Mar 20, 2010 11:41 am

Taranthyll wrote:
I think Frost meant, why do they not use Howard's vast body of Conan stories for the movie franchise rather than making up a completely different character and storyline and calling it Conan? From a economic perspective wouldn't it be more efficient to work from established material than make the whole thing up from scratch? Conan's literary origins are well-defined and would make a good opening scene - the sack of Venarium would be a hell of a way to jump into the action - far better, I think, than the cliched murdered father/massacred village storyline.

Yep, that is exactly what I was getting at. There obviously is a strong Conan fan-base, so why basically steal the Conan name and paste it on another character?
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Secret Skeleton · Post by **Secret Skeleton** » Sat Mar 20, 2010 11:54 am

Akivasha of the Red Flame was the Kull Movie villain but was actually a Conan villain. Thulsa Doom was vs. Kull.

DangerDwarf · Post by **DangerDwarf** » Sat Mar 20, 2010 12:50 pm

Frost wrote:
There obviously is a strong Conan fan-base, so why basically steal the Conan name and paste it on another character?

Because Cletus the Barbarian just sounds silly.

Lord Dynel · Post by **Lord Dynel** » Sat Mar 20, 2010 1:31 pm

Unfortuantely (sometimes), I'm a fool for swords-and-sorcery movies. I've liked ones that others have have generally regarded as bad. I think the main reason for that is there's simply not enough of them, so I end up enjoying ones that are probably pretty subpar (by most standards) simply because there's not enough of them.

That said, I must say I'm intrigued about a reboot. I remember there was an idea floating around a few years back that would have continued the storyline with Conan's son (and I believe there was talk of Vin Diesel). I admit, that would have been an interesting take and a much better way to continue the story. I feel, however, with the success of the reboots of Batman, Transformers, and Star Trek, I think that's giving Hollywood the green light to reboot franchises with impunity. A new age is dawning and whether it's for the better or worse remains to be seen.
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Piperdog · Post by **Piperdog** » Sat Mar 20, 2010 8:46 pm

Quote:
Hollywood sucks, man. Why oh why ruin what REH created? They should totally do a movie based on The Bible, but Jesus is a Korean bisexual chic, because, you know, God needs a rewrite and Jesus is just too "white" for our society these days.

Kim, I am with you man. What the hell is going on here? I am crapping my drawers at the horror of this, for real.
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Secret Skeleton · Post by **Secret Skeleton** » Sat Mar 20, 2010 9:15 pm

You the sequel to The Sword and the Sorcerer is coming out soon? Tales of an Ancient Empire. Lee Horsley is reprising his role as Talon, too.

Hrolfgar · Post by **Hrolfgar** » Sun Mar 21, 2010 12:28 am

Secret Skeleton wrote:
Well, I love the first Conan movie, but it was about as REH inspired as The Color Purple. I love the part in the CtD where he says, "Enough Talk!" and throws a dagger into that guy.

There is a funny deleted scene from the first movie where he gets pulled off of a rock by a dog and screams, "Goddammit!" But the way Arnie says it is absolutely hilarious.

Very true. I like the first movie as well.

This new movie will most likely be disappointing. The actor selected is the least of my concerns.

If I was going to produce a Conan movie, I would base the 1st movie around the Queen of the Black Coast story.

Secret Skeleton · Post by **Secret Skeleton** » Sun Mar 21, 2010 1:58 am

I would like a multi-story Conan film like they did Sin City. As long as there are t**s. t**s are mandatory Conan supplements.

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